like a diamond in the sky
by Mulligatawny
Summary: Is this the freedom birds feel as they soar above us? /James-centric oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. **

Diamond.

It was a fitting last name for him. _(The boy who's destined to shine...right?)_

Only sometimes he doesn't think so. Like when Mom and Dad tell him that last note was a little off-pitch- surely he can do better. Or when girls don't respond to his flirting. And when his friends accomplish things he can't do. He's just another pretty face good for nothing but staring at. _(Feel free to disagree.)_

But don't mention that around him. He tells himself enough of that. Besides why be clever like Kendall, smart like Logan, or daring like Carlos when he has such great looks, right? _(Pleaseohplease agree with him.)_

Yet sometimes he thinks it's kinda pathetic that all he has going for him are his looks and his flirtacious ways.

**MOM AND DAD STOP REMINDING HIM OF IT!**

But that's why he needs to be a _s t a r. _

After all, what other career would accept him?

So he works with what he has to make sure he'll be the brightest star in Hollywood.

**TanningSpray&Workouts&HairGel will you help him be good enough to make Mommy and Daddy proud?**

When he makes it to Hollywood _(city of shooting stars and shattered dreams), _he thinks that he'll be able to reach his dreams of fame and fortune. (Like Mommy and Daddy never could.)

He sings until his vocal cords feel like bursting, smiles until his cheeks hurt, and does everything the way Hollywood does because **HE JUST NEEDS HIS PARENTS' APPROVAL!**

_(And the only way to get that is by becoming a household name.)_

At least his friends accept them. They don't judge him when he messes up. _(Not like you-know-who.) _They let him breathe freely. They love him, flaws and all.

Not his parents. Even after the divorce, it was always "James, you can look/sing/act better than that, can't you?" and it drives him insane. But he listens and "I'll do better, I swear!"

**BUT CAN'T THEY SEE PERFECTION IS IMPOSSIBLE? **

**CAN'T THEY SEE HE'S THISCLOSE TO B_R_E_A_K_I_N_G_?**

[No they can't...]

_(Can he trust you with a secret?) _

Sometimes _(okay fine a lot of the time) _after eating dinner he throws up what he eats. {"God, James, you eat like a pig!"} He hunches over his porcelain escape and gags until the imperfection is leaving his system. Then he goes to the gym&runsonthetreadmill&liftsweights&anythingtoburnthecalories! [At least he has washboard abs...]

_(Shh! You promised not to tell!)_

~do mom and dad notice the retching sounds coming from the bathroom whenever they point out his eating habits?~

/of course not!/

But in Hollywood, he's free! He can eat whatever he wants and be immature and there's pretty girls everywhere and he doesn't have to be perfect _and is this the freedom birds feel as they soar above us? _He's finally able to be James Diamond without being criticized for it.

_He's living the life._

The sun's always smiling down on him.

The band's songs are amazing.

His friends are on this crazy rollercoaster with him.

They even start planning a tour.

Everything's falling into place just like he always dreamed it would. [This is what true happiness feels like?]

But then Griffin cancels the tour.

_(london bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down)_

And they're back in Minnesota.

**MOM DAD HE'S NOT A FAILURE STOP SAYING THAT!**

His dreams are crushed. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are moving on. {But what about his hopes and aspirations?} Then Hawk finds him and offers him a recording contract. It's like the Pearly Gates have opened. It's another chance to leave his parents. He takes it without giving it a second thought.

_(build it up with sticks and stones, sticks and stones, sticks and stones) _

He has a butler, wads and wads of cash, and a Rubik's Cube. But it feels empty. Lonely. There's no laughter. No wild antics. Nobody to unknowingly cheer him up after he's done working out or slumped over the porcelain escape (more like a trap now).

**Then _they _call and say "Looks like you just might be worth something after all."**

That helps numb the ache. Sort of. At least his parents kinda like him now.

Next thing he knows, they've come back for him. They ask him to risk everything he's recently acquired on a plan that may not work.

He hears his parents in the back of his mind "**FAILURE!"**

That gets him pretty mad and he says no. He's not giving up his parents' approval so soon!

He goes to Hawk Records and everything's fake and plastic. He realizes that he's on the road to becoming like that too.

~is stardom worth who you are?~

/of course not!/

He goes and meets his friends at the recording studio. He misses them so much they don't even have to ask for him to forgive them for trying to replace him. They're a band again. They stage the concert and it's all a success. Their album is released and they go on tour. [How do you like him now, Mom and Dad?] He's even able to eat dinner without the thought of puking crossing his mind. And he exercises a normal amount now. On top of all that, the tour's a blast and fans everywhere are holding up sings that say _I Love You! _But there's something that bothers him.

Carlo's dad sees them at the Chicago concert.

Logan's parents see them at the New York concert.

Kendall's mom is there every step of the way.

His parents?

**"You're not worth the plane tickets yet."**

When he realizes this, he can't help but go back to throwing up his dinner and being at the gym every chance he gets.

~do his friends notice his cleverly kept secrets?~

/of course not!/

The months pass by and Big Time Rush keeps on getting more and more popular. Movie premieres, magazine covers, and interviews with all the major entertainment reporters. He even gets some acting roles. The critics sing his praises. He's like a Diamond in the sky and his parents are stuck on the ground.

The best part is his friends are there with him. Jo and Camille visit them as often as they could seeing as they're still dating Kendall and Logan. Carlos eventually starts dating Stephanie King who is starting to become quite the popular horror movie director. All James has is the ghosts of red lipstick stains on his cheeks and lips from girls who "promised not to tell the media" he met at parties. _(He doesn't care enough about them to bother trying to remember their names.)_

**"James there must be something wrong with you if you're famous and still can't find a steady girlfriend like all your friends have."**

_(Plunk. There goes another piece of his sanity.)_

{a l l s h o o t i n g s t a r s m u s t c r a s h}

A couple years later, they start fading. Their album sales start dropping. They're not being invited to as many movie premieres anymore. The paparazzi start to leave them alone. He stops getting callbacks for movie roles. They're all okay with it. Except James.

**"We always knew you'd be a failure." **

_SNAP_

He starts to feel panicked. [The years have done nothing to mature him when it comes to his parents.]

Likethewallsareclosinginonhim.

He starts to act out.

{L O O K A T H I M!}

He starts going through women like alcoholics go through beer. He'll do anything to start a scandal. Sleep with someone else's girlfriend, get drunk at a party, he even flips off a reporter who _just wouldn't leave him alone. _[That made for some interesting tabloid pictures.]

Kendall's in the NHL. He's still dating Jo. He leaves him worried voicemails every chance he gets.

But he doesn't answer them because he's too busy recovering from a hangover.

Logan's a doctor whose opinion is always sought out. He's engaged to Camille. _(What if she had fallen for him instead?)_ His concerned emails clutter his inbox all the time.

But he never answers him because he's too busy partying until there's nothing left but the left over liquor bottles and the host is passed out drunk on the couch.

Carlos is a superhero. Kind of. He's a firefighter. He just says he's a superhero. [It's kinda true though. He's not dating Stepanie anymore. But he is dating someone new. Some girl named Tina who's apparently really funny&nice&pretty&helpful&more qualites that are nowhere to be found in his one-night stands. He sends James distressed text messages every night.

But he's too busy throwing up his fancy two hundred dollar dinner.

**MOM DAD CAN'T YOU SEE THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU?**

Eventually, he's forgotten by Hollywood.

_(Just another bright star who exploded into a black hole.)_

Occasionally the media will talk about his latest scandal on a slow news day. His friends never give up. He still ignores them most of the time. But sometimes, when he's feeling so alone he just can't stand it, he'll talk to them. Confess another secret or insecurity he's been hiding from them. They offer him support. He actually sobers up enough to attend Logan and Camille's wedding.

|I wonder what could've been...|

But his life is still a mess. Not even a lovely mess like those people who are so tragically broken that you just can't help but love. It's a mess of broken glass shards that you've got to step c a r e f u l l y o r it just might break more and leave you scarred too.

So one night he's sitting on a street corner. { B o u l e v a r d o f b r o k e n d r e a m s} He's about to take another swig of the vodka in his hands. [My how he accumalates bad habits...] Instead, he impulsively throws it and it lands in the middle of the street. It makes a sound that reminds him of his shattered dreams. The ones he thought would come true. The sun starts to set and he thinks that if this were a movie, his character would have an epiphany, find his true love and her his, and check into Alcoholics Anonymous.

Only his brain isn't in 'epiphany mode', he has no true love {she's gonebabygone}, and it wouldn't exactly be "anonymous" in his case. Besides, he doesn't know how to fix himself. [There are no band-aids for your heart and soul...]

Suddenly, he finds himself hoping that a shooting star will fly across the sky, pick him up, and take him back to the top where everything can be okay again.

~but does it come?~

/of course not!/


End file.
